That protocol being:

• Baby messes pants
• Parent changes baby’s diaper
• Baby waits longer than 5 seconds to mess pants again

Late last night:

Troy’s butt went, “SSSSMMMUUUUUUUURRRRRPPPPPPPP!”

And I was all, “Eeeewwwwwww!”

And he was like, “Wah!”

And I was all, “Yeah, dude, totally.”

And then I like, changed his diaper and stuff.

And then I was all, “There you go, Troy-Troy. All better?”

And his butt was all, “SSSMUUUURPRLLLDDDERRFFFFFTTTTHHHPBBB!”

Daddy loves you, Troy.

You little bastard.