Within a 5-minute span of time, Troy:

• Unloaded in his diaper while feeding.
• Spit up most of what he had eaten, all over Kelly.
• Spit up more while on his changing mat, getting some in his hair.
• Unloaded in his NEW diaper after I had just changed him.
• Peed on me, the changing mat, himself, the blinds, and everything within a 30-foot radius while I attempted to change him again. I had him covered this time, too. He must’ve had that thing tucked down and away, Buffalo Bill style. Sneaky little shit.

I had to call in reinforcements. It must have been quite a sight for Kelly to behold: me, stripped down to my shorts, thoroughly disgusted with having been peed on (that hasn’t happened since my college days), while Troy was lying buck-naked in his own urine on the changing mat next to a dirty diaper.

I cried uncle.

Troy 2, Dad 0.