So I preordered Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows back in … February? *clickety-clickety-amazon.com-click-click* Yep, back in February. It was supposed to show up today, the day of the release.

Previously, when we preordered Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, it showed up a day early, so when HPDH didn’t show up yesterday, I wasn’t too concerned. I figured, Hey, Saturday delivery, sweet! UPS and Amazon are on the ball! There’s no way they’re going to deprive hardcore HP fans of the 7th and final book on the day of its release, especially when they preordered it the day it was announced!

10am rolls around. No UPS guy. No big deal. The day is young!

12pm: No book. I’m getting antsy. Blood sugar levels are getting low, and I’m getting cranky. Better feed myself to take my mind off of the book. Going to Mr. Pickles for a hot pastrami sandwich.

3pm: Still no book. My nerves are frayed. I have developed an eye twitch, and that pastrami sandwich is really weighing me down. I should take a dump.

3:02pm: Bathroom break.

4:32pm: Bathroom break over. Time to resume my vigil by the front door. When the UPS guy comes up the walkway, I’m going to pounce!

5pm: I decide that there’s no way in HELL that the UPS guy is coming today. I just KNOW he is maniacally laughing his ass off at this virtual wedgy he has bestowed upon the HP nerds all over the greater Sacramento area.

At this point, I take matters into my own hands. I have to have this book, and I have to have it today, so I jump into the car and high-tail it over to Target.

I pull into the parking lot and jump out of the car. I run straight toward the book section, body checking a 10-year-old and his grandmother along the way. I locate the Harry Potter DH display. It’s empty! No, wait - there are two left! *Tiger Woods fist pump* CRISIS AVERTED.

So come Monday, I will have two copies of the latest Harry Potter tome, and assuming I stay coherent for the next 30+ hours subsisting on nothing but speed Red Bull and gummy worms, I will have found out what happens to Harry and Voldemort before it gets plastered all over the Internets.

Postscript:

7:22pm: As I write this, Homer decides to unload the contents of his stomach all over the floor, right in front of the TV. That is a special dog, I tell you what.

Update 2007-07-22:

Evidently, UPS decided to ship the book to our local post office, who then stuck it in our mailbox. It arrived yesterday, the day it was due to arrive. D’oh.