Tag Archives: homer

It never fails

Some things in life are inevitable.  I can’t remember the last time this didn’t happen:

  1. Let Homer outside
  2. Give him plenty of lead time to do his business
  3. Pick the poop up off the lawn and dispose of it
  4. Start mowing the lawn
  5. Homer pinches a loaf right in the middle of the uncut grass

Frickin’ dog.  It’s like the First Law of Gastrointestinal Dynamics or something:

Picking up the poop leads to mowing the lawn, which in turn leads to Home-dog dropping a deuce right in my path.

That’s just the way it is.  There’s no way around it!

And then he gives me that look, like, "What?"

He gets tested

DSC_00010001

Poor Homer has really bad allergies.  His regular vet couldn't "fix" him, so we ended up having to take him to a veterinary dermatologist.  She ruled out food as the cause pretty quickly, so that meant it was environmental. 

(Great job, Homer.  Way to pick the more expensive allergy.)

Regular blood tests and treatments would have cost hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars, and there is no way we could do that.  Fortunately, the vet has used an experimental drug to treat dogs like Homer with a good success rate.  By participating in the experiment, the drug company would pay for all of Homer's blood work and give us the meds for free.  We jumped at it.

The funky part is the blood tests (see picture).  It's just like they test little kids with bad allergies.  They prick him with a bunch of stuff and find out how allergic he is to those items.  Each item is rated on a scale of 0-4, with 4 being the worst.  Almost all of Homer's came back in the 3-4 range. 

So, in case you happen to see Homer over the next few weeks, no, I didn't get drunk and shave him and meticulously draw a grid with a Bic pen.  He just had his second round of tests last Friday, and they mostly came back in the 1-2 0-1 range.  We're hoping that the drug helped, and it wasn't just the dormant winter that caused his allergies to subside, but I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Oh, and his worst allergy?  House flies.  No joke.

756

Free Image Hosting at allyoucanupload.com
Stolen shamelessly from Becky's MySpace page.  Thanks, Becky!

My BIL, Chuck, and his girlfriend, Becky, were among the lucky few who witnessed Barry's record-setting 756th home run in person.

Says Chuck:

Easily one of the Top 3 Moments of my life. 

Chuck, Chuck, Chuck…  So young, so naive.  Just wait until you get a dog, and he's sound asleep on the floor in front of you, and he farts really loudly, and it jolts him awake, and it scares him so badly that he runs out of the room and hides under the office desk.  That will easily occupy Moments 1-7.

It was a staph infection

Home Dog, playing in the weeds

And, apparently, a pretty nasty one, too.

The good thing is that we know what caused him to almost die.  The bad thing is that we have no clue how he got infected in the first place.  It could have been anything.

He seems to be suffering no ill effects.  He has a checkup with his regular vet this afternoon, so hopefully all is well in Homerland.  I'd hate for him to kick the bucket before his namesake's movie is released!

I am such a nerd

So I preordered Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows back in … February?  *clickety-clickety-amazon.com-click-click*  Yep, back in February.  It was supposed to show up today, the day of the release. 

Previously, when we preordered Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, it showed up a day early, so when HPDH didn't show up yesterday, I wasn't too concerned.  I figured, Hey, Saturday delivery, sweet!  UPS and Amazon are on the ball!  There's no way they're going to deprive hardcore HP fans of the 7th and final book on the day of its release, especially when they preordered it the day it was announced!

10am rolls around.  No UPS guy.  No big deal.  The day is young!

12pm:  No book.  I'm getting antsy.  Blood sugar levels are getting low, and I'm getting cranky.  Better feed myself to take my mind off of the book.  Going to Mr. Pickles for a hot pastrami sandwich.

3pm:  Still no book.  My nerves are frayed.  I have developed an eye twitch, and that pastrami sandwich is really weighing me down.  I should take a dump.

3:02pm:  Bathroom break.

4:32pm:  Bathroom break over.  Time to resume my vigil by the front door.  When the UPS guy comes up the walkway, I'm going to pounce!

5pm:  I decide that there's no way in HELL that the UPS guy is coming today.  I just KNOW he is maniacally laughing his ass off at this virtual wedgy he has bestowed upon the HP nerds all over the greater Sacramento area.

At this point, I take matters into my own hands.  I have to have this book, and I have to have it today, so I jump into the car and high-tail it over to Target.

I pull into the parking lot and jump out of the car.  I run straight toward the book section, body checking a 10-year-old and his grandmother along the way.  I locate the Harry Potter DH display.  It's empty!  No, wait – there are two left!  *Tiger Woods fist pump*  CRISIS AVERTED.

So come Monday, I will have two copies of the latest Harry Potter tome, and assuming I stay coherent for the next 30+ hours subsisting on nothing but speed Red Bull and gummy worms, I will have found out what happens to Harry and Voldemort before it gets plastered all over the Internets.

Postscript:

7:22pm:  As I write this, Homer decides to unload the contents of his stomach all over the floor, right in front of the TV.  That is a special dog, I tell you what.

Update 2007-07-22: 

Evidently, UPS decided to ship the book to our local post office, who then stuck it in our mailbox.  It arrived yesterday, the day it was due to arrive.  D'oh.