Tag Archives: humor

"A Unique Shopping Experience"

A coworker of mine recently visited the salad bar of a local grocery store.  Dissatisfied with some of the store’s recent changes, she decided to write a letter:

I used to come to your store for the salad bar – where a employee would hand make it for me and toss it.  It was great.  Now we have a manual salad bar with half the ingredients and no way to toss the salad.  I am disappointed and have no reason to shop at <store name> anymore.

Here is the store’s EPICALLY AWESOME response:

Dear <snip>:

Many thanks for your email and for sharing your thoughts with us.  As store director, I’m always eager to hear what’s on your mind because you’re our valued guest.  Your feedback is extremely important to me and my staff, and I want to follow up with you personally.

You share with us your disappointment with regards to our new salad bar arrangement.  I’m so glad you’ve voiced your concerns, as I’ve got some information that I hope will please you.  We feature a wide variety of salad options for our guests, including choices of greens, 26 different salad ingredients, and eight different dressings, just to name a few.  Chicken and salmon (along with other items) are available in our deli case.  You mention that you miss having an associate toss your salad.  Please know that we would be delighted to toss your salad for you, so please don’t hesitate to ask any associate – we’re here to serve you and to ensure your complete care and satisfaction. In addition, if there’s a salad item that isn’t at the bar, please contact an associate, and we’ll check to see if that item is available.

<snip>, we’re committed to providing you with spectacular service, a unique shopping experience, and the finest products at the lowest overall prices of any full-service market.  After all, you deserve nothing less!



<Store Director>

*That* is customer service.

Shake it, baby

As I was finishing up at the urinal in the men’s room this morning, a coworker walked in and took the stall next to me.  As he walked by, he admonished, "Hey, shake it more than twice, and you’re playing with it!"

Had I been thinking clearly at the time, I would have said, "Shake it more than five times, and you’re on vacation.  My next vacation is over two months away.  Coincidence?  I think not."

(For the record, I wasn’t shaking anything; I was zipping and buttoning.)

Garfield Minus Garfield

Holy crap, these are hilarious

From the site description:

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?

Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.

A Love Story

I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot! 

By Anonymous.

[h/t to Kelly]