I just recently upgraded my cell phone to a Motorola RAZR from a dinosaur. If you’re picturing this

then you aren’t far off.

Anyway, when I found out that the RAZR could play MP3 ringtones, I was stoked. I had the perfect song in mind: Metallica’s Master of Puppets. Only I didn’t want the chorus, because the chorus is lame. Anyone who knows anything about rock knows that the best part of the song is the opening riff. So I went to Cingular’s download site. They have Metallica. Sweet. They have Master of Puppets. SWEET. It’s just the chorus. Sheeeet. I’m up sheeeet creek without a paddle.

Luckily, there exist many people on the internets who are orders of magnitude smarter than I am. Using this article, iTunes, and my handy new Motorola PC Bluetooth adapter, I cut the song to the appropriate 30-second chunk, reduced the bitrate, and then copied it to my phone. Presto, I now have the greatest ringtone ever.

And if you disagree with me on that last point, then I politely suggest that you go suck on a tailpipe.

That is all. Thank you.